April 3, 2013

five years


Sunday was the five-year anniversary of this here blob, which I've neglected in the past months in the interest of Rookie, high school, friends, sleep, and other things. Aside from that, I don't feel like I have much to say, or rather, I prefer now to say it in private. My most recent journal is my favorite thing I've ever made, and nobody will ever see it.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what validates an emotion/event/observation, makes me feel like it really happened and I really lived it, and this seems like the right occasion to word-vomit these ideas. (Plus, I miss having time to keep this thing going, and I do feel an obligation to people who have read my blog for a long time that is not unlike the unspoken understanding you have with your first best friend, the one who watched you like stupid bands and stupid people and embarrass yourself and cry a lot, whose insight into whatever you do from now on is shaped by a unique knowledge of all the ties which bind New You to Old You, and who refrains from bringing up in front of new acquaintances that time you were on the 8th grade hip-hop team in the interest of letting you become more of yourself. In other words, we had a time, but there's so much time ahead, and it is, somehow, at the same time, quickly running out.)

I. The school year begins, ending a very special summer. I begin breaking down the different kinds of memories I have:

1. IMAGINED

"The difference between reality and imagination wasn't ever clear to me at all." David Lynch
"Everything you can imagine is real." Pablo Picasso

I keep a list in the back of one of my journals called "Moments of Strange Magic." It contains events that were either (a) just really, really happy (jumping around to Beyoncé with friends) or (b) aesthetically cohesive and perfect and synesthetic (driving through the desert in a blue convertible to Nancy Sinatra's "Bang Bang" past a bunch of neon-sign motels and trailer parks). Each event is marked with a symbol indicating whether it took place in real life, a movie/TV show/book, or my imagination. Examples of some imagined (b) ones would be: sweaty teens in shiny pastels dancing in unison at a wood-paneled, tinsel-covered community-center room to "Snowqueen of Texas" by the Mamas and the Papas; a view from the side of a guy walking down a school hallway to Frank Ocean's "Forrest Gump," passing lockers painted in the 1970s and a ton of muted, rowdy students; a girl submerging her head into a tub of red hair dye to the chorus of St. Vincent's "Cheerleader."

Where do these episodes come from? A past life? An innate discontentment with everything life already offers, combined with a form of voluntary synesthesia developed from an adolescence of perpetual loneliness manifesting itself in movie marathons and an inconvenient impulse to pay attention to every visual and auditory detail of every situation as an escape from the social interaction at hand?

An argument for the past-life theory might include this anecdote: A drawing I did in my journal of how I remembered the backyard of my boyfriend's house looking on a night that it was snowy and dark included a metal swingset. The next time I went over there, I realized I'd only imagined the swingset, though he later told me that they did have one when he was little. My mom then told me that our family almost bought that same house before I was born, meaning that, in that timeline, I would have known that metal swingset, in that backyard. 

References: Zoltan Torey copes with blindness by reconstructing reality in his head. Wes Anderson called Moonrise Kingdom a "memory of a fantasy," and envisioned the whole "These Days" scene from The Royal Tenenbaums when he first heard the song, building the rest of the movie around that moment (I have no source for this, a friend told me, I'll choose to believe it's true). I also wrote a bit about this in relation to The Virgin Suicides here.

2. DREAMS

Unlike imagined memories, dreams are not witnessed or crafted by the conscious brain (then again, "WHAT'S CONSCIOUS, MAN?" —the tiny stoner living inside me who mocks my every semi-deep thought). I account for dreams as real memories, or at least truthful ones, because of the idea that in dreams come truths that are too difficult for the conscious mind to accept.

If a dream is not considered as valid as "real," conscious memory, then I'll still regard it in some corner of the mind as a tiny piece of my history and identity. In Chris Ware's Building Stories, one character is able to partially reconcile her life's regret of neglecting to pursue a creative career because she dreams she had written the book she'd always hoped to. The fact that this book could exist even in her subconscious fantasy was enough for her. Just the notion of her own potential had her wake up in tears.

References: Agent Cooper's dreams in Twin Peaks. Jenny Zhang's wonderful piece for Rookie. Joseph Cornell's dream diary. Robert Altman's 3 Women, which came to him in a dream (the casting, the colors, the story, everything) and was shot without a script, with only his memory as a guideline.

3. SECONDHAND

"The world is bound with secret knots." Athanasius Kircher

Secondhand memories come from storytelling  a movie, a book, a song, or a person recalling an event of their own past. 

When I saw Ware give a talk about his book last November, he said that he could remember what he'd visualized as a child listening to his grandmother tell stories about her own life better than he could picture some events that actually happened to him. When I interviewed him for Rookie, I asked about the one character's dream, why he included that Picasso quotation on the inside cover, what convinced him that such memories could have the same effect on a person as real ones. His response:
"Well, really, our memories are all we have, and even those we think of as "real" are made up. Art can condense experience into something greater than reality, and it can also give us permission to do or think certain things that otherwise we’ve avoided or felt ashamed of. The imagination is where reality lives; it’s the instant lie of backwash from the prow of that boat that we think of as cutting the present moment, everything following it becoming less and less "factual" but no less real than what we think of as having actually occurred."
When I remember eighth grade, I recall scenes my mind illustrated while reading Norwegian Woodjust as well as, and in some cases more vividly than, classmate interactions and walks to school. I spent a lot of freshman year analyzing my close, personal relationships with Rayanne Graff and Laura Palmer. I cried when I had watched The Virgin Suicides so many times that I could no longer remember how I'd first visualized the book. I still miss the characters I'd pictured before, and the school, too. Strangely enough, my first mental images of the Lisbons' house came flooding back to me when I set foot inside a neighbor's for a wake a couple years ago. When I walked outside, I saw that across the street was an old brown Cadillac surrounded by bushes and a sunset, mimicking two Corinne Day photos from the set of The Virgin Suicides almost exactly.

I don't actually think these events really happened to me, but they'll still come to mind when I think back on a time when a secondhand event seemed to hold some kind of truth that reality did not. Example: I felt all weird and drifty at the beginning of last summer, and when I try and revisit that place, I don't literally imagine the view from behind a car windshield and how everything must look to the narrator in Yo La Tengo's "Today Is the Day," but I sure remember the exact sadness that it captured.

References: Ronald Reagan, long before he had Alzheimers, would repeatedly recall some great war story with tears in his eyes. As it turned out, the incident was actually from a 1944 film called A Wing and a Prayer. Every other part of the Oliver Sacks essay where I learned this is also amazing and relevant.

4. EMBARRASSMENTS

These memories worsen with time. The original events often occur in adolescence, are usually social interactions, and, at worst, were intended to be romantic. One remedy is to frequently remind yourself that you won't have to live with your humiliation forever because MORTALITY. Or that our perception of reality is pretty inaccurate no matter what (see: Chris Ware; the tiny stoner I quoted earlier). Or that technically — TECHNICALLY — we have no way of knowing for sure that any of this is happening AT ALL. You could also just watch Freaks and Geeks.

5. NOSTALGIA

This is when the act of remembering an event becomes more enjoyable than the event itself, conjuring feelings that are warm and fuzzy, but also painful in the best way. From what I've gathered, the majority of people feel nostalgia most strongly for:

(a) Adolescence. Not for all the sweaty, horrible stuff mentioned in #4, but for the positive feelings and experiences which are only accentuated by the fact that your developing brain is taking them in for the first time. And even the sweaty, horrible stuff can be kind of great to revel in. Or, in the words of John Hughes, "At that age, it often feels just as good to feel bad as it does to feel good."

(b) Love.

Lolita and The Virgin Suicides combine (a) and (b) most perfectly, both being stories of men who spend their entire adult lives trying to hold onto what they once had, or once wanted.

References: Why You Truly Never Leave High School. Paul Feig's guest DJ choices on KCRW. Chuck Klosterman's essay on Dazed and Confused, in which he states, "Dazed and Confused is not a movie about how things were; Dazed and Confused is a movie about how things are remembered." Those fuzzy photograph-looking paintings by Gerhard Richter. Any Rodarte collection that cites California as inspiration. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

II. My understanding of death deepens. I think I'd always assumed I'd at least get to watch my funeral go down and have a few suspicions confirmed concerning who would write awkward "Happy Birthday! Miss you :(" messages on my Facebook wall long after I'd passed. I thought I'd get to still see how this whole "world" thing turns out: Do we all explode? Do things start to suck less first? Does everyone get sick of technology and start to live like the Amish, inspired by that one episode of Arthur? DO PEOPLE STILL WATCH ARTHUR?

But a few experiences take me out of all the stupid, floaty thoughts you get alone in your room and it hits me, quite tardily, that death is really the end.

III. I start watching Six Feet Under, which helps in some ways ("Why do we have to die?" "To make life important") but feeds my anxiety in others (every episode starts with some really unfortunate freak accident).

Everything is now a matter of life and death. Math homework: NOT A PRIORITY WHEN THE END COULD BE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. Cleaning my room: IS THIS REALLY HOW I WANT TO SPEND MY LAST HOURS ON EARTH WHEN I COULD GET HIT BY A CAR TOMORROW? Etc. The habit that blog-keeping instilled in me of compulsively archiving every single thing only worsens. If I get behind in my journal, I spend hours wondering where to even start. I can't pay attention in class, only make scattered notes where there should be a timeline of the Industrial Revolution, listing all the details I need to get down properly as soon as I have time: The music we listened to in Claire's room, the old man I saw on my way to school, the view from my boyfriend's car when we sat in a 7-Eleven parking lot watching people walk in and trying to predict their purchases, along with a record of what each person looked like and what they bought. My hands tremble, relaxing only once everything has been sufficiently documented, each memory in my grasp, as if by putting them down on paper, I can make them last forever.

I develop my own form of sacred geometry to find the secret knots among these details and fit them into the rest of my journal. I go through one every two months or so, and for that period of time, coordinate it and all other parts of my life with a specific mood. My handwriting, my doodles, the clothes I wear, the books I read, the music I listen to, the movies I watch, and the streets I walk down all match up. One goal of this is to create memories that are aesthetically pleasing and cohesive and perfect and synesthetic, each element in place (and never repeated in another journal or memory, making its singular usage especially special) so that the nostalgia will feel extra good. The other is to be as many people as possible, until I'm nobody at all.

IV. I listen to the "Bliss" episode of Radiolab, and the reasoning behind my impulses feels confirmed by the segment on snowflakes. So taken with their beauty, a young man in the 1880s named Wilson Bentley spent day after day trying to catch and document them, first through drawing and then photography. He only had about five minutes before one would melt, and had to hold his breath the whole time to keep from giving off any extra heat. Today, physics professor and snowflake expert Kenneth Libbrecht travels worldwide to do the same.
"…All of a sudden they'll get really good, and then I just start out there, frantically trying to collect as many as I can. One of the things I like to think about is, here I am, with my little piece of cardboard, in the middle of a continent where it's snowing all the time, and so I'm catching some incredibly small number of these things for a brief period, and getting some really cool pictures. So you kind of wonder, what else is out there? What are you missing? I mean, imagine just all the beautiful little works of art that are just falling down, totally unnoticed, and then they just disappear. Stuff that is far prettier than the pictures I have. 'Cause they're out there, you know they're out there. Statistically, they're out there, so you know, there's just an awful lot of really gorgeous things, that are just totally ephemeral and you'll never see them. And they're falling constantly. You sorta wanna just stop the world and go look at them."

V. I get to the finale of Six Feet Under. One character begins readying a camera until she's told, "You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

I talk about hoarding with my neighbor, whose house is very clean and calming, who has no trouble ridding of her two sons' childhood things. "I don't need to keep them, because I have every memory in my heart."

I tell Claire that before, I felt like an event had only really happened once it had been documented, shared, and praised. Then, just documented and shared. Now, just documented. She reminds me that there are always more moments to come, and that they will be fully experienced only once I've let go of those of the past.

I revisit American Beauty. This part at the very end leaves me feeling like Alan Ball has, once again, personally slapped me in the face. 
"...It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

VI. My boyfriend and I take a tiny road trip during spring break. We skip stones on the beach, drink Coke out of glass bottles, and watch a pink sunset sky settle into nighttime. We walk along train tracks in the dark and stop to look at an old car behind a restaurant. I ask him to stand in front of it so I can take a Polaroid, the only picture I would have of him.

I retrieve it from my bag once we're on the dull Midwestern highway, leaving for good. The photo got exposed in the streetlight and came out as a mess of brown and blue spots. In a panic, I rapidly replay the day's events in my mind, and jot down a few details to remember. At some point, my notes turn into questions that I just can't shake:

"You can't grasp your legacy when alive, and it makes no difference in death. What if I leave behind no record? What if I let every day vanish? If I don't archive anything, am I free to change?"

The endless gray road with its yellow lights begins to feel less like a stretch of perpetual sameness, and more like an infinite sky filled with stars.

245 comments:

1 – 200 of 245   Newer›   Newest»
B said...

I consider the time I'm sleeping, therefore dreaming, a second life. That life is actually better than this one since I can fly.

I miss your blog Tavi.

Eileenie said...

Oh Tavi <3

Walking In Broken Stilettoes said...

This is beautiful. This is the sort of writing that both inspires and shames the rest of us! Come back to your blog Tavi! Thank you for this awesome thing to read first thing in the morning :) x

Jade said...

Finally, a new post. I absolutely love the way you write, I could just read it forever. You are an absolute inspiration to me and I am amazed at the amount of intelligence you possess. Stay gold, or whatever. Jade xxx

Elly Peers said...

you absolute star


ellypeers.co.uk

GlamorousGirl said...

love your writing...

http://glamourgirl-bg.blogspot.com/

Flow Disruption said...

So glad to see a new post! Rookie is beautiful, but it's nice to read your writing again. :) I find dreams and memories fascinating, though I'm not an obsessive documenter. As I get older, I just try and enjoy every moment, whether it seems good or bad at the time. (Also, sacred geometry is very fascinating as well!)

- Brittney

thatdamngreendress said...

Thank-you! Somehow your concurrent pre and post-nostalgia musings are very pertinent to this 38 year old gal who has never felt so alert as when discovering Dostoevsky at 15 and dreaming of a Thoreau-vian hermitage. I think maybe it's time to start looking around me again...
You really are an old soul, and I thank you for the girlish wit and wisdom you continue to share!

Kailee said...

This was incredible. I love your writing and I hope you post more on here, just for the fact that your thoughts are so unique to read and think about. Thanks.

Lala said...

Getting a bit philosophical here but I believe some famous ideas apply to this:
First, "cognito ergo sum" - not so much in the sense that I exist, but that if I imagine/dream/experience something, that memory of experience happened and is now real. So basically if I think something, it becomes real. (I study psychology so you can also back this up with cognitive brain scans - you can literally see the neurons in people's brains light up as they think about things. Active neurons are real.)
Secondly, have you heard of the Ontological Argument for god's existence? It basically says that god is the greatest, most perfect thing ever and you try can imagine the most perfect thing ever but because its only in your head its not the greatest, so god must be real. I don't wanna talk about god here but I think the argument is interesting: personally I believe that what I can ("can" is important- not what I actually do think, but what I am potentially able to think of) think of is way more perfect than the real world because I can take one real-life memory and make it more pleasing aesthetically or whatever but I couldn't have done that in real life without it becoming contrived. Plus real life is totally subjective anyway - a real event that I experience would have been experienced differently by someone stood next to me.
Thirdly, I'm an existentialist and I believe that we each give our own meanings to life because there is no innate meaning. Therefore, anything matters to me becuase it's part of the way I structure my world. It doesn't matter if its real or not, if its documented or validated by writing it down or talking about it or sharing it; what matters is that I believe in it.
I used to be like you, frantically trying to record everything and obsessively remembering stuff. Then I got scared that my brain would run out of space to remember things and I was so focussed on remembering old times I literally couldn't cope with everyday things. I realised I had to chill out and I decided not to try remember things because what matters is that it happened. Plus this way, I get the joy of spontaneously rediscovering memories which is a lovely feeling. Also there's beauty in floating through life and not being tied down by a need to document.

Yuna Soon (YunaPicsDelight) said...

Congratulation my dear!
Yuna

Adri H. said...

You often re-capture in your writing exactly how I felt when I was your age. There were no such things as blogs then, so I was a fervent ticket-keeper, magazine clipper, dream recorder, photo taker, journal-writer, etc. I don't know when it happened, but sometime in between then and now I just started letting go of all the unnecessary baggage which is eventually what some of those physical artifacts became. And, the full on actual letting go came just last year when I had to clean out my grandmother's house, and the bedroom where I had spent my youth. The blog is a nice format because you feel like a bit of you is recorded somewhere, and you don't have to toss it. The idea of a legacy comes to mind.

I try to think of life as a process since I love process-oriented activities. This way, I can embrace the materials and steps that were worthy to me then, but also embrace the projects and activities yet to come without feeling guilty about moving forward.

Have a great day, lady!

oh emma said...

welcome home girl

Yasmin said...

this blog post reminded me why i first got into your writing! congrats on five years tavi x
http://noise-and-confusionn.blogspot.com/

Fab Flora said...

I long for a new post. And you finally have one. I love what you've said. This post is so meaningful both to the readers and you I think.

www.whiteboardkid.blogspot.com

Fashion and Fringes said...

This is so so so interesting. The idea that we can control the aesthetics of moments is very intriguing, along with the concept of sacred geometry. I've never been one for taking tonnes of photos or keeping a diary and I've always been worried that this has made my memories less potent, less REAL than they could be. Hmmmm. Thank you for this post xx
www.fashionandfringes.blogspot.com.au

Holly-Bella Cassell said...

I feel completely floored by this. I share a lot of those references (twin peaks, the virgin suicides, bang bang,american beauty etc) but I could never describe how they all come together in my head like you just did. You are, quite simply, the reason I started blogging. Please start writing here more. I adore Rookie, but I miss having the mirror of my own nostalgia and my own pain and my own adolescence that I get here. Selfish, I know. Also, that story about the swing set...oh my god. Yes.

I love you, you're the best.

bobb said...

This is wonderful Tavi:) Your blog has always been an inspiration to me - and it's great to an update with a post such as this

bobb said...

.. and if you haven't read Oliver Sack's book "The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat" you really should:)

Ana said...

Hi Tavi,
What you've written here makes me feel kind of like I want to cry but also just to give you lots of hugs and kisses and be your friend (I think lots and lots of people would want to be though! Is it weird being famous?) Yesterday and the day before that, I wrote down my own thoughts about 'reflections' (please don't immediately disregard this as art wank as I know I probably would) as part of my art development (I am doing art as a part of completing Year 12 in Australia) and how much of what seems to validate our existence is a form of reflection (kind of what you said?). This could be literal/material like seeing yourself in a mirror (present), a photograph or piece of footage (past) etc. Or it could be anything else that you've created, really - a piece of writing, a building, a relationship - but as soon as another person is involved, an individual's perception (or for example, my perception) of reality becomes more distanced because I feel an obligation to acknowledge the other person's contribution or effect on my own existence.
I sometimes find it hard to accept that I will never have answers or that nothing is ever going to suddenly appear and describe to me the reason for my being (and even if it did, I would not believe it because there is some strange, embedded law within my brain that states "You will never be allowed to understand anything!"). But you can allow this complete dissatisfaction to hover, opposite the complete satisfaction that you may have with accepting everything around you as it is. I let everything stayed suspended because I feel as though there is either going to be infinite nothingness or infinite "not-even-that-of-which-I-can-comprehend" and trying to decipher or give meaning to those things would make my conscious existence as a human being exhausting.
You seem like an incredible person.
Love,
Ana

Rosie said...

Tavi, you are my hero. Before I started reading your blogs I felt superficial and kinda close-minded, but now I understand the kind of person I want to be, and every day I'm doing more with my life. Even if its just reading a cool book (Lolita's next in my list). So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I love you, I love the world, and I'm starting to love myself. Xoxoxoxoox

http://rosieandthewolf.blogspot.co.uk

Juliet said...

I miss for your posts <3

katherine m said...

Girl, you are my hero. I hope i'm once as cool as you are.
xxxxxx

in dreams said...

dear tavi,

i've just emerged from a 5 year relationship - quite painfully, actually. and those words of your neighbour's, that memories live on in the heart, really meant something to me. i had to give away a lot of my possessions when i moved (due to the breakup), and because i'm such a hoarder, i keep having pangs of "what if" now that it's all gone.

but i think i'm going to take that woman's advice, and keep the memories in my heart, instead. if you get the chance, thank her for me? the heart is such a great place to keep memories...i'm not sure why i didn't think of it earlier.

unrelatedly (which is not a word, but probably should be), i hope you've listened to blonde redhead's album '23' at some point in life, as i feel like it could create some nostalgic memories in only the good way. it's been playing in my head since the breakup, and it's sublime.

anyway. thanks for the insight, and inadvertent breakup support. you're the best.

xo

cameron said...

I hope you write a semi-autobiographical novel, but don't say what is real and what isn't. (told you in a tweet but telling you here!). Also, make movies. ...I personally believe in some type of life after death. Maybe people/religion made it up to feel comfort, but then what about those Ghost Hunter shows, huh? (half-kidding). And if you believe in any sort of before birth existence or life, you kinda have to believe in something after. I wanna see how this whole 'world' thing turns out too. haha...

and yeah, all that stuff about memory/imagination/reality is deep and hard to get a handle on (but excellently expressed). Go too far astray from reality however, and that's where people turn crazy, ya know? There is a real reality out there, and that matters and is important to know, if we want to make things better. And don't be a hoarder.

Also, do you read Grantland ever? It's like "the philosophical jock" sometimes. Search "Rembrant" and "Bill Simmons" esp. Simmons dog eulogy piece if you haven't read it. Actually, that's not there, but here's a link: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090122

dunno why I felt like sharing that with you.

cupcakegal007 said...

This is so strange because you were in my dream, and it makes me wonder if this is just another moment similar to remembering your boyfriend's swingset. Like I saw this blog post coming even before it was actually here.

Monica said...

I don't want to leave a comment on this piece because anything I could ever say is obviously nothing in comparison but I just needed to say that I am crying.

Anna said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Tavi, if you haven't already read 'Speak, Memory' by Vladimir Nabokov you would love it.

olivia bee said...

i love you

David VanTom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David VanTom said...

I hate to sound so "cliche and basic" but this was beautiful. You have no idea how much you warmed my old, gray heart.

Gisele said...

Hello, First of all I'll gonna miss your blog, your notes and refferencces to music/books/movies/tvseries and your feminist activism. You are so young and so full of deep thoughts; as other people said here you're an old soul, full of wisdom. I'll really gonna miss that blog because of that. Although you don't know me, you are one of these persons who inspire me. But life goes on, and you're taking a new step in your life, and that's just great. You are brilliant and (in my opinion)the world is yours, I mean, you have a great future, whatever you do. My best wishes to you. See you around (on the net) maybe...

Jane Cullen said...

perfection <3

Essine said...

Oh my god.
First off, I haven't even read it all, but I skimmed through everything and I'm in tears.
The last question is my life. What if all I can remember of my teen tears is Tumblr and crying? What if I leave nothing behind? Sometimes I feel my memories slipping away and I reach out and try to hold fast to them. I can't remember images as much as just the fact something happened, which always scares me. I have always kept everything and had a hard time throwing anything away, which probably originates from all the awful shit that went on when I was a wee child (my house burning down and my grandma and little brother dying all within four or so years of each other). When I started to redecorate my room, I was worried... Am I allowed to change? What if I never remember my past? Like Tavi's said before, I get nostalgic for movies and fantasies more so than anything. Tavi has pretty much been the one person who can accurately put everything thought I have into words.
And this post makes me so emotional and feel so many things, because Tavi really taught me to how live in so many ways. Her wisdom, her kindness, her understanding, her brazen boldness and her feminism, which really got me personally into the movement, and just everything she has done. She's been a life inspiration to me since I was 11. I miss when Tavi was posting all the time, cataloging aesthetics, but I look forward to what's ahead, because I've grown with Tavi and she's showed me so much, and I don't think I can thank her enough.
Now, the end of my long-ass comment.
Thank you, to the ends of the earth and back <3

xoxo
http://psychedelicdaisy.blogspot.com/

Morgan Stinson said...

This all hit me so hard. Especially the John Hughes quote: "At that age, it often feels just as good to feel bad as it does to feel good."

It's so true and that's what hurts so much. The fact that adolescence is so fleeting that the nostalgia behind it all is all you have left really, if that makes any sense.

Experiences are what make life worthwhile. At least, that's what I like to think.

Thank you, Tavi. Thank you.

www.theflamedame.wordpress.com

bugaleeto said...

Dont you get tired of it all, though? Doesnt it feel like you're not really living by obsessively documenting things and matching everything up by aesthetic? I want to matter to the world but I fear I may leave nothing behind. I hate that I am jealous of you for being so articulate and insightful, but I can't help it.There's almost a comfort for me in knowing that one day the Sun will explode and everything will be gone. I am a buttface.

Tavi said...

Thank you for all the nice, supportive comments, the recommendations, the thoughts. Heart heart heart forever and ever.

bugaleeto - I was hoping V-VI answered your first two questions!

olivia bee - i love you too duhhh

cupcakegal007 - You manifested it!

cameron - I love Grantland! I've mostly only read Molly Lambert's stuff though. I'll look up the one you named.

in dreams - I will let her know, I'm glad it helped :) You have my breakup support.

Julia Topaz said...

I'm 24 years old, and last month I went to visit my mom and I looked in my old closet in my old bedroom. And there used to be these giant plastic crates that had all my old toys in them, but it wasn't there this time, and instead there were extra sofa pillows. So I went frantically to the garage, but the toys weren't there either, and I realized they had been thrown out! I was consequently really really sad (especially about my pink skipit that had a monumentally high 13-year-old jump count on it), and I didn't really know what to do because it felt like even though I had had all those things and interacted with them and experienced them in my childhood, it felt like I never had because I didn't have physical access to them anymore. It's like, even though I never really pulled them out or looked at them or thought about them, just knowing that I could if I wanted to made it okay and real.

And then ALSO while I was visiting, I found a bunch of old journals (my favorite was this fluffy pink one with a little metal lock). They all have about first 5 pages written in them, but then rest of the pages are blank---I don't know, I guess I was really bad at keeping up with them. But I really enjoyed reading them recently because it gave me little snippets of insight into my childhood (which I no longer really remember the details of), which somehow validated/made real/legitimized my past. So now I've been thinking "well shit! I wish that while growing up I had written more about my childhood, so the rest of it could be real too!", which doesn't really make sense, but I felt it nonetheless. It's just strange because while you're experiencing something (or at least, when I do), you're so immersed in the full sensory moment that you can't imagine that you'll one day completely forget the experience, unless of course you document it, which I usually don't because of the whole assuming-you-won't-forget-it thing. Which is kind of the opposite problem of what you have, it seems, since you like to document everything. Though is it really a "problem"? I don't know, it's just a characteristic.

Anyway, I'm just trying to say that I 100% connect with what you've written, and I'm glad you wrote it.

Bridget Elizabeth Sweet said...

You're a genius, Tavi. You never cease to inspire me.

Lydia said...

I can't wait to read your book, which you will write and publish one day.

fashion nugget said...

oy vey, this was really nice.
if getting to read perfectly stringed words like this means waiting a couple of months, I am completely fine with that.

Hayley Earnest said...

I am glad you have shared this, and I am glad that you have a boyfriend <3
Also the whole air of this post reminds me of a book that I read when I was like 11 and it might still be my favorite book. It is called Criss-Cross by Lynne Rae Perkins. It is a very quick read and I think you will like it a lot, if you haven't already read it.

nicole said...

i always seem to end up crying when i read your most recent posts here. you articulate something that i've never been able to, i think, with the memories collected from dreams and tv and things that you know you've seen but were too young to properly recall now. it can't help that i'm having a bit of a personal crisis about turning 16 on friday either

casey said...

VI is magical. Just wanted to let you know that.

Casey
singbeforeseven.blogspot.com

Professor Von Slotheim said...

Thank you for your words Tavi. You are wise beyond your years. That Bliss episode of radiolab was pretty damn powerful.

zymurgyprocess.com said...

Tavi,

I am having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that this blog is actually five years old. It is not that I don't believe you, I just am struggling fathoming that five years have past since my eleven year old self came stumbling on your site soon after you began posting.

You see, there is a part of me that feels like this site not only represents the growth and maturity of yourself but the growth and maturity of me as well. I think StyleRookie is the only website I have read word for word, I have religiously checked for postings even as they grew less frequent and I constantly came back to when I wanted more from this world. In a sense your articles bring me back to the person I was in an exact moment of time. I can remember where I was sitting, how I was feeling, what I was dealing with, what I was wearing-- I can remember who I was.

Joan Didon said in "The Magical Year of Thinking," that ,"Everything can change in an ordinary instant." So in part of her and in part of your notion that we don't know what is in store for us tomorrow I would like to take the time to thank you for everything you have done for me. Just incase one of us were to fade in the near future I think it is important that you know how much you and your writing means to me.

It is rare, at least it has been for me to connect with someone my own age, as I have found myself connecting with you. Your words inspire me, they make me cry and want to lock myself in a room of comforters so I can ponder on the weight of the world. I often feel like I am reading the work of someone far to wise to be human when I come across your stuff on Rookie or look back on here to glance over articles I have read at least twice through. It is like Dumbledore or someone even smarter (is this possible harry potter fans?) poured their thoughts on to pages in the most raw and beautiful way.

I know I sound like I am being dramatic. I just am swelled up in emotion like a snail covered in salt (the acid eating flesh part)- it is exciting and restless, it reminds me why I ever started writing.

You mention above a fear of not leaving a mark, that nothing will have "happened" if it isn't documented and photographed. On the first day of physics we learned that "matter is neither created nor destroyed," I like to look at beauty in the same sense. Maybe all of the beauty we have seen, all of the whimsical moments that we exprience everyday of our young lives won't last forever, but that doesn't mean the appreciation and the beautiful thoughts and images and everything resulting from these moments that scream LIFE, will fade as time ticks on. You have created so much, you are only sixteen/seventeen (WHENS YOUR BIRTHDAY TAVI?!) and you have already affected so many people-- that is the kind of legacy you want, a legacy filled with so much beauty and sparking dust that you couldn't possibly disappear if the survival of our plant depended on it.

I don't expect you to post on here like you used too, but I respect you for being about to keep at nodding terms with the person you used to be. I cannot thank you enough for helping me find myself, I will continue to read everything you write and reflect on your site every once in awhile when things are to confusing to navigate alone.

So much love,

Kali

Eryn said...

This kind of makes me want to weep and I probably will the second time I read it but just wow, Tavi. Everything you said is just, yes (sorry super inarticulate over here). I WANT to be entirely cohesive but instead I am too many people, I am nobody, and I definitely couldn't put that into words before.
About nostalgia, that night when I went to dinner to Dylan's mom's house with you guys on the Rookie Road Trip is unclear in my memory. I remember what happened, of course, and there are some snippets that come back vividly, but the whole evening more or less feels like a blur. I don't know if that's because it was entirely overwhelming and I didn't even feel like myself (wow I was so quiet and shy), or because I've tried to relive it so many times. I'll probably never forget what you were wearing but I think I've already forgotten what I was wearing (just kidding, I completely remember, but not as clearly and I might eventually forget).
I also feel like (this is sort of relevant I guess) I'm trying so hard to live, to live well, to have Teenage Experiences, that I'm not really living at all. It's like I'm stuck in my own little box of Wanting and Trying but I'm not Letting. I'm trying so hard to be cohesive, aesthetically pleasing, and to see beauty all around me, that I'm actually not. I don't know if that makes sense (WHAT IS LIFE -tiny stoner).
I've been feeling immeasurably muddled lately but this post has definitely left me with some sort of peace.
Thank you Tavi.

-Eryn

Heather said...

Brilliant!

Professor Batty said...

Your extended rambles on this blog are worthwhile, even if they only happen once or twice a year. This is your place, and the journey so far has been wonderful. We'll come back, Tavi.

hayley said...

you have got to be the most interesting person i have ever read about.

Katy said...

Tavi, I love this. I admire you so much. I am to be such a clear and concise writer as you are and to be able to get my ideas across so thoroughly. I also aim for your level of cultural knowledge.

Oroma Roxella Rukevwe said...

This is such a great read. Inspiring too.




New Outfit Post: Personal Style Blog By ORR

ayler said...

Your writing flows so elegantly and honestly, an honest (thought how could I know?) insight into your mind. Please keep writing, I have been reading your blog since I was 12 (we are the same age) and it now feels like a sort of 'home' on the internet. Ok, keep on truckin' I guess!! xx

Geysa Emmerich said...

What? Do you have boyfriend? That's nice! Congrulations!

MILLIE said...

I've been waiting so long for your next post and <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
You're a truly amazing and inspiring person.

Sugarmilz.blogspot.co.uk

flyingadolescent said...

In five years, so much has changed, from when I first began to religiously read, admire and anticipate your blog and to when now I have my own that is influenced heavily by your amazingness. I went gooey inside, nostalgic even, when I read this because I was recounting in my head 'Five Years' by Bjork. Now I realise what I felt through Bjork (THE BEST FEMALE ARTIST EVER), I realise my brain was doing exactly what was in the 'Secondhand' paragraph, only it was for my present state, because I knew I would sadly have to finish reading the post and to acknowledge the END of your blob. I feel now as John Hughes - "it feels just as good to feel bad as it does to feel good"
I always feel, and have felt, like you know me personally. I don't think it's weird, but others will, that as a guy, every word you write or speak or sing and quote resonates like a gong. (Though, I don't read Rookie because it really is just 'for teenage girls')
"It's hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world" That is what I think when I'm mad! This whole post provoked a teenage epiphany

I also felt that your writing gave a modern example and thoughts that relate (in 1 and 2) to Barthes' 'Mythologies', as he examines 'the tendency of contemporary social value systems to create modern myths'(from Wikipedia, I'm going to read it soon...)
You, Tavi, embrace our myths, our supposed past lives and thoughts because they are real in our eyes. Also, your whole blob means something different to everyone and signifies to me the truest originality. (I cried at the end of the post and read it twice)

On VI, you have always been free. Your blog is your record, so is Rookie, your journals but most importantly your heart. I've always felt that if I feel something, it IS real (to me) and so I don't have as much an obligation to archive but yet I sneakily get down when I don't. Your realisation has pushed me to 'I'm free'

May I wish Tavi Gevinson's blog a fond farewell and you, Tavi, THE GREATEST SUCCESS!

Juliette said...

I teared up reading this, Tavi. This is truly one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I've ever read.

I guess from reading your blog for so long I've grown to feel a real appreciation and almost pride, even I suppose, for how you've gone through life in the past five years. It's not even just the amazing things you've done and the people you've inspired, but just reading about you so honestly, the way you think and all these emotions you feel and this whole idea of documenting life makes me feel this surge of emotion which I can't even name.

I know I'm just another observer, but if you read your comments I just want to let you know that you've really touched me in a really meaningful way on here and Rookie and that I really feel a certain kind of distant sisterly love and thanks for you always being there and being so honest.

I hope this isn't the last post I see, but if it is I just wanna wish you the best in everything you do, because you're a beautiful person and you should never, ever doubt yourself.

Thanks again for everything

Amanda Munch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amanda Munch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Izumi said...

Wow I love your writing style.

I guess I feel the same in a sense, but also completely different. I always yearn for nostalgia, not the memory but the the actual feeling.

On the other hand, I would hate to record things and jot every single detail down because the true feeling would become lost in the midst of words and scribbling.

Maxens M. Finch said...

It's amazing that you succeeded at writing about that, putting it in words, when it's so much more emotional and visual.
This is the part of being that I thought couldn't be documented at all since it's so visual and emotional, and I thought that nobody would know what it was like if it wasn't possible to explain and difficult to show, because some things aren't exactly as sharp as a film either. For a long time I thought I was the only person to be like that, so it was so scary since I couldn't put it into words, only visuals. I guessed that I wasn't the only person to be like that, but that it wasn't possible to put it into words, but you did.
Thanks.
(Happy birthday to the blog, as well, it's incredible that it's been such a long time since the beginnings... when you remember you could as well still be reading it for the first time, but I get something different from it everytime I actually reread it.)

Maxens M. Finch said...

Also, you definitely left in mark in people and in the world. Even if it's not the same kind of mark as you wanted, not as perfect and everything. I too did read your blog and grew with you, and it totally changed me. You pushed me to do things and got me even more interested in style, as it was only a passing interest before, now it relates to who I am, helps me relate to the world and is a part of my life. It's as if you helped me learn a new language. I'm not so sure anymore, but I think you're also the one who got me interested in feminism again as something that related to my life and lives of others, changed what I thought I could do at my age despites of some assumptions.
I could not have just lived by just following the flow and going where things and people push me, my life would have been too different from now, somehow I have gained more grasp on my own life and a better sense of individuation. I'm less passive. I don't know if it's really understandable.
So you left a mark, not by making a perfect capture of the things that were, but by changing people.

The Sequined World said...

Oooh Tavi, I've really missed your gorgeous writing, I enjoy a lot of your references (OMG Twin Peaks and The Virgin Suicides, so much love.)
Ok without getting all creepy and sentimental here, thank you so much for your blog and Rookie, I love both, but especially your personal blog, I find I have so much in common with you, I live in a ridiculously tiny, conservative town in the west of Ireland, where I'm probably the only person in my year who's even heard of Dale Cooper... So it's like, refreshingly reassuring to know there are other teenage girls like me in existence....

itsaoifedahling said...

Tavi,
What can I say to verbalise how I feel about this beautiful piece of writing only that this, quite literally, is the story of my life. I feel an almost compulsive need to record everything lest I forget it and it be gone forever. And I believe that I'm not alone. After much reflection on this, I have come to the conclusion that life is an experience to be lived and enjoyed moment to moment, not to pore solely over a few precious moments. We should be out there finding and making those moments and memories. Isn't it much more special and beautiful to enjoy a moment because we know that it will die with us?
Good to have you back anyways girl,
Aoife xx
http://passtheteacup.blogspot.ie/?m=1

Just a guy said...

We get it already, you have a boyfriend now ;)

Allison Miranda said...

I've been living in memories of junior high all week since Sunday night. This post is so perfect I can't even begin to express it. Thinking about how it's important that I remember them accurately so I don't romanticize them, and how romanticizing feels really nice and asthetically pleasing even though it also hurts because that time has now been made into something perfect and over. So, thank you. So much.

Gypsy Mack said...

I am so excited that you have a new blog post! I have been waiting for like ever, even though I only discovered your blog 4 months ago. :)

Poppy said...

that was so beautiful, you've always been someone that I marvel at how profound yet real you are. that sounds wierd. oh well. xx

Nina Jankovic said...

I love this post so much.

Sarah said...

Amazing!

Sarah

www.etsy.com/shop/owleyevintage

Olivia said...

You are so amazing, Tavi! Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts with us, thank you for being a smart, insightful person. I love Rookie, but the intimacy of your blog is magnificent. You have no idea how much you inspire me, how much I admire you. I have so much love for you <3 xxxx

P.S. OKAY, tell us who he is pleaseee! he sounds great :)

justanotherinbetween said...

:)

ani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lola said...

I often think about this, how the lines between reality and dreams blur causing us to forget what's real. Sometimes there's those dreams where you feel like it's actually happening and then those dreams where you are conscience of the fact that you are dreaming. The act of dreaming is so mind boggling.

Haley Blais said...

TAVI MY LOVE. Safe to say I cried reading this. Because this is a safe place. Thank you for your words, as always.

torturedteenagestyle.blogspot.com

Lisa Le Calvez said...

I Love your blog ! You are a exemple for me because i'm a young fashion blogger on the http://thedangerousworldoffashion.blogspot.com et i'm 13 years old :)

Piotrek (Krenana) said...

<3

Alex Pham said...

This was beautiful. Thank you Tavi!

stephanie hong said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hannah said...

Today my mom and I were talking about how some of our ancestors are people we'll never know; not through writing. Not through any means. We won't even know some of their names. This is an odd feeling. To know that we will potentially give way to a group of people that won't know the first thing about us. How life goes on without committing us to memory. Life is weird. I don't know how to handle it.

Dayzee said...

i find all this pretty terrifying
because if dreams, imagined memories and second hand stories are enough, then i could end up living in them my whole life. But what if it is not so? What if the only way to live is to be in the very moment, and become aware of the smell, touch, taste sound and sight? And you can't remember them. You just have to keep searching for beautiful moments, paying attention to your surroundings, for your whole life?

but i don't see the point in searching for these moments if they'll be over in a second. and sometimes I can't remember. all i know is I had a good time.

this is when i realize why you record your life in such excruciating detail. this makes me sad because i have never done that, so have I just let amazing memories fade away? but i don't want to spend time recording everything when i could be creating more things to record?

this reminds me of the part of perks of being a wallflower.'we are infinite'. can memories sometimes live on till you die? if you pay enough attention can you relive them if you want?

maybe we should just live on the edge. if we search for infinite moments every second of our lives then we will never need to record or relive them, because more and more will keep coming, but you will really REALLY be there.

COASTAL IMAGE. said...

This is one of the best things I have read. You write so beautifully, Tavi. I wish I had your talent and knowledge, for sure.

perfumehk said...

so nice blog i like it .
Parfum pas cher

Miche said...

Your writing is incredible and so inspirational. Happy Anniversary, 5 years blogging is a long time. Just started mine recently and can only hope to be able to keep it running as long as you have

ButtonsAndBirdcages.wordpress.com

Elena said...

That picture quote from Six Feet Under stayed in my head for months after watching. So applicable to everything.

Emi Tokita said...

while beauty is wonderful, sadness is what gives life its depth. balancing the two - managing life's ephemerality, well, one of the greatest mysteries of them all. we are the sum of so many different parts, maybe it's less about documenting all of them then allowing that part of us to grow? very thought provoking post! xx

Tara A. said...

Your writing is so amazing. I really miss regular updates here, but I understand how busy you must be, what with school, Rookie and everything else (you do an awesome job of keeping up with all of it, I must say).

As the person above me said, this post was very thought provoking? Where do memories really come from? It's a question that I think we all ask ourselves, yet, however much time we devote to pondering on the answer, we never really find it. Perhaps it's not actually there.

Happy anniversary. Maybe (hopefully :P) at some point in the future you'll find the time to resume blogging here.

Tara (unlockingpandorasbox.blogspot.com)

Юрий Рябов said...

Great!
I'm your fan!
Yura
(http://yuritik.blogspot.ru/)

alexostyle said...

Oh My God, Tavi ! I missed you <3
Ah ypu are my biggest inspiration, I love you so much <333

alexostyle.blogspot.com

xx

Egle said...

you are beautiful. thank you existing. i feel as if i can kind of relate to you and kind of just let your awesomeness sink into my mind and just appreciate the beauty of it. sorry, i can't really explain it, because i don't quite understand it myself.

Belinda Chapple said...

Nice share. The articles, photos and yourself it's so beautiful.
BTW, I am looking for the author for my blog, youngfashion15.blogspot.com

Be there !

Alice Stonem said...

Check this girl out, she is fabulous!

Naana said...

Hi Tavi, be sure to check out my blog please!!
beautifulyetassertive.blogspot.com

Mintvirgin said...

oh Tavi, i have been waiting for a new post on stylerookie.com for ages, and here is it ^) your words are wise and true, and the stuff you describe in this post is almost the most important in teenager's life...

Anne Grace said...

Just love your style of writing.
I'm absolutely in love with your blog! <333

Have a look at my blog:
WREATH OF FLOWERS

www.wreath-of-flowers.blogspot.de

xoxo,
Anne Grace

Irene_J said...

Wow! This is a very well written post. I am impressed.

regards,
irene of Dallas IT Consulting

Kathryn Schultz said...

I'd stopped checking your blog. Now I'm crying.

Chloe said...

This...wow. I can remember buying my first bra when i was eleven and panicking when I didn't record it in my journal. Then when I never recorded my 15th birthday. I think some of my best memories I never recorded. I meticulously recorded my 14th birthday, and every single person who came ended up betraying me and being total jerks. And that first bra totally sucked! My 15th birthday? I had it with two friends (not the lots of frnds who ended up sucking from my 14th) who actually care about me and don't mind me combining philosophical theories with One Direction video diary references. So don't worry. Our brains are the best journals. (And Tavi? thank you so much for giving me a place that lets me love fashion, David Bowie, Freaks and Geeks, One Direction, Call Me Maybe, and cute British guys holding puppies all at the same time. I needed that)

lola said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBOaLjtR4mw

http://vimeo.com/62144786

Wiola Rutka said...


I likeeee <3

jennamariia said...

Come back and give us some photos! We miss you!!! xx

jennamariia/
http://wanted9097.blogspot.fi/

gabi said...

Tavi once again has written an incredible blogpost.. that's all k bye.

Pietro Bonacina said...

Hi Tavi!.
I'm a your big fan!!! I'm a fashion blogger too!
My blogs name's www.pietrobonacina.blogspot.com
If you wanna visit it, your welcome!!!
Pietro.

D.O.T - is a lot said...

Enjoy reading your the golden mean:*

- said...

I know is weird, but when I read "my boyfriend" I was like this is not possible,TAVI has a boyfriend! WHO is him? And then I was like, she is not a fairy, she is real, of course she has a boyfriend. And about your secret diary, I did the same thing, I have a written diary and a Tumblr with a password, and I feel like that blog, where I collect all my feelings, is more real than the real world. Oh Tavi, I love you, I mean it, I know I don't know you and I shouldn't love you, but I do. I feel the same you describes and it makes me feel as if you were from the world I belong.

Josie carr said...

yay your back! xx

Anke said...

<3

anna carroll said...

Tavi, I love this so much.

cancercowboy said...

hey, a new post ^___^
happy belated anniversary!
oh boy, the nature of reality and perception and memory, their relationship and evaluation, quisnam sum ego, transiency, that stuff is discussed (without consensus of course) in more books anybody could hope to read in a lifetime. lines are blurry and there isn't necessarily a safety net, as you show in your text, because even if that totally wasn't your intent, I, as the recipient, can find in your writing whats in my head ^___^
so let me tell you: the dose makes the poison. here and everywhere.
and when you get lost between all the layers smash your head against a wall to reassure yourself that there is something more fundamental than the human head. something common to all human experience, both spurring and limiting.
and remember that you're under no obligation to write for an audience if you don't want to. we don't have a right to your thoughts. share if you feel like it. so far your posts have (almost) always been quite interesting.
i'll end with two vids. maybe you'll watch them.

this and that.

Nargl said...

http://bdr-nargl.blogspot.ru/

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MaxGinez3 said...

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Johny Stesh said...

Funny Jokes

Eco Creative said...

"You can't grasp your legacy when alive, and it makes no difference in death." Well, your legacy makes a difference to OTHER people, and legacy is based on how your actions impacted others. Also, legacy doesn't merely subsist on documentation. It's what impresses heart and memory that counts, frequently kept alive through ritual and habits of being. And your memory is plenty good.

I tried keeping a journal when I was young, but I didn't find it helpful for my self development, like it reinforced things I'm not proud of, attitudes and happenings that I'd rather forget. Too introspective an endeavor for one already introspective--just encouraged narcissism. Yes, freer to change without it. However your writing can be more artistic expression rather than mere navel-gazing. To the extent that what you write seeks to meaningfully connect with a broader audience than you and God, and not merely seeks to preserve moments of your existence, I hope to read more posts in the future, because you have exquisite talent.

There's a story in the Bible about how Peter proposes to build a temple on the mountaintop to capture and glorify an amazing experience he had with Jesus there, and Jesus responds, "Get behind me, Satan!" Life has high and low moments, and it's only human to want to preserve those peak experiences. But not all of life can consist of these moments and focusing on creating monuments to those rather than on the needs of the present is sin, overly enamored with self.

openid said...

We love your post and the people good influence :)

Congrats from Spain!

Emilia de Azcuenaga said...

www.thesteezybrunette.blogspot.com.ar

0f407840-97cc-11e2-b6f2-000bcdcb5194 said...

What the fuck are you even talking about. Please get the fuck over yourself. You don't actually do anything at all yet you have legions of fans. You are basically a reality star. Have fun in Hollywood. Yes you are so full of depth. Going from fashion blogging to blogging about fucking to Hollywood.

0f407840-97cc-11e2-b6f2-000bcdcb5194 said...

Ah the moment where a female blogger starts dropping that she has a boyfriend every five seconds. Why do bloggers feel the need to do this. I mean, why not mention your grandma or uncle or cousin. Why the fuck do female bloggers ALWAYS have to remind people their lives are so awesome because they have a dick in their life. You are sooo deep Tavi. A high school boyfriend and a glitter crown....wow. Hopefully you do a few rookie posts about condoms and the new plan b laws and herpes education. All of the loss of virginity horror stories are a bit played out, right. You are just this generation's version of a popular girl. The 'it' crowd has traded hollister for vintage and cheap highlights for milkmaid braids. Stop pretending to be an insightful outsider you are not. You speak so well to feminism with all your rambling about dreams. So deep. Count down til your Hollywood nude scene and celebrity boyfriend and rehab stint.

Mohankumar said...

your writing is very well..


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swooosh said...

Seems like you posted something similar to what get me hooked here the first time :)

mtmondon said...

I remember in high school every time I went to a concert I felt it was my personal responsibility to write down every detail of the night--the musician's sweat, the way the venue smelled like cigarettes, the time the guy in front of me set some girl's shirt on fire for three seconds. The playlist, the way the singer looked thinner or thicker than I had imagined. Turns out I have the best memories now from shows where I had no camera (and this began in the dark ages of 2006) and grew too tired to write about it all immediately. Fantastic post.

Diana said...

You inspired me to write. I often feel like time smothers me because it moves so fast, drowning out everything I do.
I need to write stuff down. You are an unique individual, Tavi (you know that though)

manuela said...

thank you very much.

Detry said...

盡量保持你的時間和不要把錢花在不同的事情。依靠我們的工作對你的學期論文,散文等東西。 中国论文网

Detry said...

盡量保持你的時間和不要把錢花在不同的事情。依靠我們的工作對你的學期論文,散文等東西。 中国论文网

La Dolce Moda said...

Tavi I absolutely love your blog (in case you don't hear this enough...)

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:)

Detry said...

The best site for preparing for the exams is an online tutor. There you will always find the answers to your questions and you will be one step ahead of the rest.

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I really like it


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Kelsey Furigay said...

You're amazing. I really look up to you. Keep doing what you're doing girl x

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Kelsey Furigay said...

You're so inspirational :) My idol x

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I love this site.Thanks.vintage guitars

Karishma said...

Reading your blog is therapy.

Ashlee jenna said...

You are wonderful, this post is full of romanticism. Thanks
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Valeria Baldino said...

first time on your blog!so true words!you're romantic <3!

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sydtheunicorn said...

Tavi, I'm not so sure if you'll ever get the chance to read this simple comment, but I want you to know that I appreciate your existence and all that you do. Your writing is so beautiful and it inspires many of your readers, I being one of them. Although you don't write too often on this blog I still love going through it and reading and being enlightened with your individual brilliance. Thank you!

batman said...

seeing a new post makes my heart sing! ☥

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owh... this is very nice a blog.
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Daniel Knight said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eternian said...

This is a "strong" female character: Irish woman rebukes hypocrites

But what matters isn't strength, or mere boldness, or mere complexity of character. What matters is not being a coward, being courageous in God, courageous in doing what is right and being wise in Him, not wise in doing evil, but in doing good. That is why King Solomon was rewarded with more wisdom than any man ever born besides Christ. He knew what mattered, obeyed God, was a king with many to rule over, and asked for it, so God gave it to him. Better to have self control, then strength.

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lotacesta said...

proud of you girl!!!


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Kstylick said...

Hello there! :) I really like your blog! I hope that maybe we could follow each other on Bloglovin and/or GFC, Facebook?

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Sophie said...

tavi, your posts are always incredible and inspirational! you're such a positive role model to teenage girls worldwide!

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Sophie said...

tavi, your posts are always incredible and inspirational! you're such a positive role model to teenage girls worldwide!

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Erin Herlina said...

I don't want to leave a comment on this piece because anything I could ever say is obviously nothing in comparison but I just needed to say that I am crying.

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Emmanuelle Nü said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emmanuelle Nü said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emmanuelle Nü said...

First time on your blog, you're awesome
xoxo

Emmanuelle Nü said...
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peach said...

nice blog xx peach

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Lily Rose said...

Beautiful Quotes

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Allison Zoie said...

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Allison Zoie said...

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I absolutely love your writing! Keep doing what your doing!

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good post ;)

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Sharon Rose said...

This is so great. A fantastic read. Please check out my blog guys, http://unepetitebourgeoisie.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

JENNIFER KLOESTER said...

You are a remarkable writer with an exceptional ability to express your thoughts and ideas. You make difficult concepts accessible and it's no surprise that so many people wish you would write a book. I think you would write a fascinating book, an important book - a book that would make a difference to lots of people. Thank you for your years of blogging. I hope you will continue to share your insights whenever you feel inclined. And I will look forward to the book.

Georgia said...

Absolutely love your writing Tavi. Always have, always will. Looking forward to Rookie Yearbook 2.
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Rukayat said...

This link RIGHT HERE shows.. that's all I gotta say. This man in this blog talking trash on you is sooo wrong! I'm glad that the editors of this article defended you because it's the truth!<3 xoxo http://www.styleite.com/media/scott-schuman-tavi-gevinson/

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Roger Richard said...

Nice

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Hi gamin

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Elen Maii said...

Reading Tavi's blog inspired me so much to just go out and do the things that I love, and this most recent post got me thinking about starting my own blog because I've always wanted to ( thepurplesketchbook.blogspot.com ) and I genuinely believe that Tavi is such an inspiration to several generations, she awesome.

charlotte said...

the past-life theory is creepy and I love it, I collect these kind of stories in my diary or i think them up

Miriam said...

fab post, check out my blog if you have a spare moment: http://miriamthewriter.blogspot.com.au

Neon Papaya said...

The reason why I love your blog, Tavi, and the reason why I love Rookie, is because of how well you write. This is fabulous.

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Lisa Parkar said...

Great post. One more great blog here with all of the valuable information in it. Keep up the good work of sharing blogs like this San Antonio Personal Injury Lawyer

Hanna said...

Tavi, this is just when I needed it. My somewhat close friend just died and this is partly solace. Missed you here.

Dżoni said...

Hey, Tavi some time reading your blog. I love it. I live in Poland and I'm 12 years old. I decided to start a blog and photo throw like you. Sincelery, Asia.

Research and Reveal said...

nice writing style, i like it :)


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olam61 said...

Amazing blog, very inspired.
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Fanny Yuniar said...

you're an inspirational girl ever tavi


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Charles Robison said...

TLDR. you really think too much, i'm a thinking person myself, but there was way too much text to really take this post seriously.

but all the best anyway. I know you'll probably be successful, and I'm just another face in the crowd, but yeah. things tend to unravel in a way that you don't expect.

maria giuseppe said...

Miss you, Tavi.
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maria giuseppe said...

Your post make me want to cry.
You are a sentimental girl.
It's good for the 5 years.
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megan said...

Love Six Feet Under and Twin Peaks

Laxmipati Sarees said...

Hello tavi, You are really inspirational.. Wish you all success.. Checked rookiemag its wonderful..

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fashion is the soul of life, i like fashion soo much and i find your site very informative and helpful about fashion,
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Kate Brown said...

Great post! So beautiful! I love your blog Tavi, and i'm sure you are quite busy but I waaaaant you to post aaggggaaaaiiiinnn!!!!!!!!!! Please!
BTW, you practically created the bible for teen girls

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Dusana Bozenkova said...

Amazing post, I'm impressed.
I like being positive and quote from Pablo Picasso is one of my favorite "Everything you can imagine is real."

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J and M said...

love your writing....

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