August 23, 2008

My superficiality has REALLY out done itself this time

Trample on a Ray of Sunshine, Why Don't You
By Tony Danza

It was a humid summer day. Tavi was cleaning out her dresser, deciding which clothes to keep and which to selflessly and generously donate to the Salvation Army. Tavi loved her clothes like they were an endangered species living off the coast of Zimbabwe (that is if it has a coast. But I, failed TV star, am too lazy to find out). This beautiful, gorgeous, smart, funny, kind, beautiful, considerate and among all things humble girl was getting ready to move into her sister's bedroom. Sister was leaving for college soon and Tavi would miss her dearly (cough cough), but was thrilled to finally get a room of her own. One that she wouldn't have to share, one where she could go to sleep when she wanted, one where she could tape up a magazine picture up on the wall spontaneously without having to consult anyone, one where she could....
"HOLY SHNIKE!" Tavi had come across her favourite (oh yes I did just go British) scarf that her mom had bought decades ago in France. The scarf had a certain warmth to it, it wasn't in the best shape; fringing, dirty, but Tavi loved it just the same. Okay enough of this crap: TAVI PEERED HER BEADY EYES AT THE LABEL. IT WAS YSL. Friggin Yves Saint Laurent! And Tavi hadn't noticed until now when she actually paid attention. Sure, the scarf wasn't Kimora's Prada or Soul Tanggg's Gucci, but it was still pretty sweet.
The little elf had to tell someone immediately-she's a chatterbox, which you might already know just because this story is really long. So Tavi ran to the nearest family member to express her joy.
"Sister! Oh dear Sister!"
"Yeah yeah whaddya want you little box of ugly?" Sister carelessly asked without even taking her eye off the television set or taking a little time to swallow her food or put down the stray puppy she was choking because she is just that cruel.
"You know how this scarf used to be Mother's?"
"That's my scarf."
******BOOOOOOOOOM******
Tavi was trembling. "T-t-tis?"
"Yeah. Where'd you find it?"
"Are-are you taking it to c-c-college?"
"Yeah."
"Uh, I just realized i-it's a d-d-designer label."
"Oh sweet." Sister still had her eye on the TV.
Tavi helplessly walked out the room with her shoulders slouched and eyes watering, dropping the designer scarf behind her as she left. And she was never seen again.
Some folks say she went off to apply to that paid internship over at Yohji Yamamoto but was thrown out for strangling a mannequin out of anger. Others say she lives at the top of Very Huge Mountain, feeding woodpeckers and meditating, and people risk their lives to climb the mountain for her life advice. Some claim she became a hermit who lives with a bunch of cats in a house made out of a shoe. A Doc Marten shoe. The floral kind. And of course there are a few skeptics who say this is all some type of myth. No one knows for sure, but I have to go hold people closer because I'm Tony Danza.
THE END

53 comments:

froglove217 said...

true story? not the crazy shit you make up because you're a freaky cretin the part where your sister stole the scarf?

Tavi said...

Sadly but surely. And if I steal it back she'll know it's me because I've been dropping hints for her to give it up all day.

Joey said...

This is truly a heartbreaking story. I didn't know Tony Danza had such amazing literary skills.

Fashion_Loving_Stylist said...

You are funny. Who knew that Tony Danza was such a good story teller.

keep up the good work.

LJ

Sugar Pop said...

:)

Soul Tanggg said...

awwww!!!
I would kill a nun for that scarf!!! it's awesome!

I say you steal it back at the last minute. your sister will never know.

(oh, and I love your writing. you should be a journalist or a novelist. I would read whatever you wrote)

:)

montypython101 said...

awww, tavs, as me being possibly a foot taller than you, i would give u a very very warm hug because of the scarf incident. the fact ur sister didn't even REALIZE that was YSL, means she is unworthy. the ignorance of some people is so overwhelming, it makes me want to kill them. haha

scubasocks said...

haha, nice! i found a ysl scarf at a vintage store. but thats awesome. and i was wondering if we could exchange links?

April said...

hahaha I love you! And man oh man, I think you should just steal that scarf back. Fantastic story, fantastic scarf. Sad ending :[ STEAL IT BACK!

The Clothes Horse said...

Take the scarf and hide it! Just don't photograph yourself in it...because then you will get caught. I'm just hypothesizing, I didn't have two older sisters go to college and "forget" several amazing pieces. No, not at all...

Erin said...

Such a sad, but amazingly written story! My heart goes out to you!

Nice and Shiny said...

HA! Your fuuuuny
I would just "leave" the scarf in my room by "accident". Your sis will never miss it!
DOooo it

Nicole said...

Hold me closer Tony Danzaaaaaa! Haha, I thought I was the only one who heard that! I recently came across your blog and love how entertaining your posts are. I hope you find a way to keep the scarf!

Hanna said...

Oh dear, you do need hugs. And you have ridiculously good writing skills for a preteen. I'm trying to put aside my jealousy in your time of mourning. Don't worry, my old sister refused to let me have her red patent leather Docs. But guess who gets the most inheritance? Karma, my friends.

bewkworm said...

aww, poor little funny girl. a trip would do you good, jersey city perhaps? you can meditate on my roof, providing it doesn't collapse. you and my cat can frolic on the row houses, it'll be so much fun. and you won't even remember that silly scarf, cuz belle will find you something better, with her freaky collness gravity. so get happy, captain cool.

froglove217 said...

lol you commented on my polyvores, I hadn't been on for a week. abigail, stfu and gtfo camera whore, jersey city is dangerous for short stuff. Although it may be a good business opportunity for our whore house....

Isabel said...

TRAGEDY!!!!

Tavi said...

Thanks everyone except BEN THE PARTY POOPER. Come on! You know it's always been my dream to move to Jersey and frolic with jew's cat. Meanie.

likewhoah said...

you're a great writer! very fun to read. not many people can write good copy. especially in a fashion-related blog.

I do prefer the YSL over Gucci and Prada. 10 bucks your sister doesn't notice it missing once she's at college... :]

Ike said...

This is possibly the saddest story that I have ever read! I almost cried.
If I were Tavi, I would volunteer to help Sister "pack" and carelessly "forget" to pack the scarf in her things :)

a cat of impossible colour said...

Haha, hilarious. Tony Danza has hitherto unsuspected talents.

By the way, I am from Zimbabwe, and it does not have a coast. Sorry! Perhaps we can build one.

froglove217 said...

I"M NOT MEAN TAVI, I just enjoy crushing people's dreams then laughing and taunting them. btw, YOU NEVAH GOIN TO JERSEY CHICAGO GIRL! GARSH.

annah-logue said...

maybe she'll forget that you asked! hide it! hide it under the depths of your bed! hide it!!!

oh, and i LOVE the illustration Danny did of you!

Tavi said...

These are all great ideas, she leaves Wednesday morning and I plan on going into action soon.

impossibly colored kitty cat-Oh no! We really must build one soon.

ben-you WISH you were a chicago girl. oh yes i did just go there.

Hannah Cheeto said...

Ahh that's heart-crunching! A YS freakin' L scarf! Haha... but it's like noooo. You would appreciate the scarf so much more than your sister, haha (not that I know her....)

My dad apparently used to have YSL things but he gave them away... and I'm like, you're kidding?

Sahel said...

reminds me of my sister and i, she still has about a garbage bag full of my clothing. And now when i ask for it - it's hers =[

i feel for you Tavi, just take it and buy her another one, she may not notice. Not going to lie I've tried it, it works for several days, of course till they notice the switch. lol!

Sydney Speel said...

ughhh i hate when that happens.

Tavi said...

hannah-Um DUR I would appreciate it more than her! Our reactions were so different. Mine "HOLY EFFING CRAPPPP" and hers "huh oh cool" LAMESAUCE! That sucks that your dad gave that stuff away!! My dad used to have a Bill Blass watch...not YSL, but still.

The Stylish Wanderer said...

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I want the scarf!

BTW, my blog is back, lets be friends!
Ive linked ya

head in the clouds. said...

wow, im sorry for your loss! gahhh.
im rooting for you to get it back haha.

Fashion Slacker said...

STEAL IT!!!!! be the bad little sister she already thinks you are. :)

Lizzi Wyatt said...

I love that scarf!! I love YSL. Does your sister even wear it?

~Lizzi Wyatt

Caroline Rose said...

Tavi. Tell me your favorite labels and I guarantee that I will find you something from them in under a month. Totally serious. I live near the world's best Goodwill, aka the one where all the Beverly Hills housewives dump last season's Prada.

ari said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
V said...

oh how sad!!

it's a great read :)

ari said...

*chants* STEAL IT! STEAL IT!
That scarf should be rightfully yours!

My sister's going off to college too
and I MIGHT take her room
but I've already taken her good clothes.

chloe said...

You know what living as a hermit in a floral Doc Marten sounds like a pretty sweet trade off to me!
And wearing floral Docs would be the pinnacle of all.
My wish now for you is that you go thrifting and find another YSL scarf even better than the other :)
have a good day!
Chloe

JUNI.JULI said...

HEY tavi, cutie...=)

You and your blog..thats so gret.
I read your posts everey day.

Would you exchange my link...=)
That would be veryy nice.

I love your blog.

greetings and i wish you a nice day.
juli

Elisabeth Moody said...

hey, come check me out at
http://poetryofthesenses.blogspot.com/

please and thank you!

p.s. don't be thrown off by the tacky name.

oh poppycock! said...

i love your blog! you are amazing little lady! i'm recently addicted...

Cristina said...

i'm so sorry! this actually made me really sad haha. just steal it from her (:

Ariel said...

(laughs) That story was awesome. I'm sure if you squirrel it away, she'll never notice.

Richel said...

Gah! My older sisters always do that to me!

harryshouldnotblog said...

you do make me smile.

care to affiliate?

classact said...

lets be friends

Fashion Is Poison said...

aww shucks! i hope she forgets it...hehe

Ess Elsie. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
*A* said...

SO, it's Wednesday...and I think we're all wondering the same thing: Did you get the scarf???

LARA said...

ahhhhh...that scarf is sooooo cute, tavi. ysl is so cool. i think my dad has ysl suit back home. on the subject of scarfs my mom has a GORGOUS blue missoni that she got in paris.
Love your blog, btw!!! dont listen to those dumb journalists.

L xxxxxxx

Skyla said...

haha, beautiful scarf and hilarious story.

geri said...

hahaha. best story ive read since....uhhh.....when was the last time i read a story?

Fluffy said...

This is SUCH a great story, you're such a good writer... I'm i bit of a style rookie myself(aka tonigt) and I don't actually know the significance of the scarf being YSL yet... but I can tell it should be rightfully yours!

Paola Bueso Vadell said...

Ha! Ur brilliant! ;)